This fake press release was originally published at Clark Schpiell Productions, March 2006.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
No More Stupid Drivers in Los Angeles
Los Angeles, CA - March 8, 2006 - Hate stupid drivers? Don't let your kid become one. Irate driver, Michelle Magoffin, opened a new driving school in Los Angeles called No More Stupid Drivers to teach drivers all the things they don't learn in traditional driver education. She will focus on such concepts as:
Slower Traffic Keep Right
Step on the Gas
Nice Turn Signal, Jackass
Move the Fuck Over
Don't Park Your SUV in a Compact Spot
The mission of No More Stupid Drivers is two-fold. Magoffin hopes to reach kids before they start driving so that they hit the roads from day one as safe, competent drivers who aren't likely to piss her off should she encounter them on her 100-mile round-trip commute. In addition, Magoffin would like to reach out to experienced drivers and, instead of punching them in the teeth as she has imagined doing on so many occasions, re-educate them about proper roadway behavior. She believes so strongly in her mission, that Magoffin is offering free lessons to anyone she has flipped off or honked at in the past year.
No More Stupid Drivers hopes to expand to the Valley, Malibu, and that one stretch of the 405, by mid-summer. Look for the following advanced classes at the Malibu location: Maintaining a Constant Speed, Making Lane Changes That Don't Take All Fucking Day, and a two-day intensive version of Slower Traffic Keep Right: I'm Talking to You, Asshole.
No More Stupid Drivers is open during non-peak driving hours because, seriously, Michelle Magoffin would not subject you to morons just learning how to drive. For an appointment, call 1-800-STUPID1.
No More Stupid Drivers