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I Curse You and Your Baby

I wonder why it is the first instinct of so many people to wish ill upon an expectant mother. When I was pregnant with my toddler, it was the honeymoon period of motherhood. Everyone was so excited for me. They were excited to find out the gender of the baby. They were excited to find out what we were going to name her. They were excited to know how I was feeling every minute until I gave birth. Then, they were excited to see her for the first time.

Once we realized we had a pretty easy baby with no health issues and not a lot of drama about sleeping or eating, the honeymoon was over. As people found out she was an easy baby, we would hear things like, "You're lucky," implying that we had absolutely nothing to do with her behavior. We acknowledge that we are lucky, but we do not feel that luck has everything to do it. We were pretty chill as parents and we believe that helped our baby relax as well.

When I was pregnant with my newborn, you would not believe the amount of ill-wishing I received. As soon as people found out I was pregnant with my second child, they asked how my first child was as a baby. When they found out she was an easy baby, they said, "Oh, this one will be a nightmare." That lovely sentiment was usually accompanied by an unkind bit of laughter. I heard variations on this from so many people that I started to get angry about it. It is such a rude thing to say to a pregnant woman.

There was one exception. A co-worker of mine, when he found out my first child was an easy baby, said that my second would probably be easy, too. He has two kids who were both easy babies. I clung to that thought through the rest of my pregnancy.

When my newborn slept through the night at three and half weeks old, and kept on sleeping through the night, a resounding, "Suck it!" could be heard through all the land. She is even easier than the first one. Yes, I am lucky again, but I am also more relaxed as a parent this time, so I am still going to take some of the credit.

You would think that would be the end of the ill-wishing, but you would be wrong. When people find out that I have had two easy babies and we are not having anymore, they say, "Wait until they're teenagers." Why doesn't anyone say, "That's great!" or, "How wonderful!" No one can be happy for me or say something nice.

The next time someone says something like, "Wait until they're teenagers," I am going to ask why she would say something like to me and why she would expect that we will be unable to raise well-behaved children.

(Please note that I was able to write this entire post uninterrupted in my silent house because my baby is sleeping peacefully in her moses basket.)

Comments

KtP

Misery loves company.

Jodi

The bottom line is that a lot of people are a$$holes.

Peeved Michelle

So it just happened to me again yesterday and I forgot to say what I said I was going to say. Instead, when my old boss lady said, "Wait until they're teenagers," I just laughed and said, "And we just potty trained the two-year-old and that was easy, too!"

leah

i'll never understand why people desire to bring other people down. i was told the same thing about a baby #2 i never had.

luke was an easy baby and i got the same feedback about how everything was going to take a turn for the worse when he was 3, 4, 5, etc. whatever.

smile and nod, smile and nod.

Sandy

I'm getting a lot of this lately. My baby is 14 days old and is sleeping 6 hours straight at night already, eats and then goes right back down for 3 more hours. I'm always told that I'm lucky...or...even worse...I get nasty little "nice" comments about how it must be so nice to formula feed and that the formula is the only reason she's sleeping (these are usually the same women who complain that they can't bathe when they have a newborn...WTF is that about? I have 2 kids and never had a day where I was so busy that I couldn't shower...put the baby down, shower, and stop whining!).

My choosing to formula feed doesn't make me less of a mother. Whew, that felt good to vent all of that...thanks.

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